“These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.” (Najwa Zebian)
I've spent my life carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, never learning how to let it go. I always feared what would happen if I just dropped it. Who would pick it up? By mid 2019, I just couldn't carry anymore. I began the practice of turning my pessimistic worries into "what if's" in the most optimistic sense. Well, what *if* all of these scenarios I am worrying about *did* work out? What if everything turned out alright? I've always had an active imagination, I just never knew how to use it in my favor. I think I've always been afraid of being let down so I've convinced myself it's best to just always plan and expect the worst but that takes a heavy toll over almost 30 years. Last October I climbed this mountain. All 8,839 feet of it. I did it with an amazing partner and the incredible people we met along the way. Climbing this mountain was so much more than a day hike for me. It changed my life. I needed to show myself, in the most challenging year of my life, that I could go from valley to mountain and all the way back down again. I needed to prove to myself that it was possible. With planning such a climb, you have to consider weight. You start evaluating what's worth carrying and what's worth leaving. This practice is one I have to remind myself of everyday.
"To Cimb, Not to Carry" unframed original oil painting, 18"x24"